Beyond the Burrow

• I leave the burrow illegitimately early & cycle to the RCA Secret sale. I queue from 6.30am to 10.45am & chat with 2 civil servants, 1 Bank of England Auditor, 1 civil servant's daughter, a man who does accounts for a computer games company, a junior doctor fresh from operating on the gangrenous toes of diabetics & a butler (clarification: I chat with a butler: he is not, as far as I know, fresh from being operated on by the jnr dr).

• I have lots of fun, learn a little about visual art & buy these.

Chris Mercier

I choose this for its precision, subversive humour & ambiguity: does it say 'Cake' or 'Caka'? I think both.

Sophia Malig

I choose this for its cleanliness, its disorder within order & the potential for sprouting wildness & unpredictability fenced into those bourgeois little (Pandora-ish) boxes

Olenna Mokliak

I choose this for its delicate, feathery beauty.

• Later, I take them to be framed & show the man in the frame shop (Thou Art in Hampstead) how to use his phone.

• Then I buy a new cat flap.